The Benefits of Saying No!
Do you hate saying no? Is your desire to please people so aggressive that it actually interferes with your quality of life? Itâs difficult to say âno,â when youâre someone who wants to make everyone happyâ and helping out friends and family when you want to, is totally fine. Itâs when people start taking advantage of you, seeing you like a free taxi, a walking ATM, or their personal therapist, thatâs when the problems pop up.
Thereâs a difference between willingly saying âyesâ to something and feeling backed into a corner, so you reluctantly agree because you feel you donât have any other choice. But actuallyâ and we know, itâs easier said than doneâ ânoâ is a complete sentence. In case thatâs a little brusque for you, here are three things you should know about saying ânoâ before you gleefully, guiltlessly, give it a try:
Saying "No" Means Standing Up For Yourself
Being the person that everyone turns to for things (be it money, favours, rides, or anything else) feels good at first, like youâre needed and important. But if youâre not careful, this dynamic could mean that youâre the person always giving, while your friend/relative/partner is always taking, with no breaks. Itâs one of the easiest ways to overextend yourself, and you might feel guilty for saying ânoâ when youâre expected, yet again, to bend to someone elseâs whims. This position will only cause resentment with each passing day. But the goal of saying ânoâ isnât to cut you off from the people you love (or to cut them off from you); saying ânoâ is a simple way that you can stand up for yourself.
When itâs just assumed youâll be paying for your friendâs lunch every day because they never bring their own cash but inevitably get hungry when they see you eating, you can say something like: âI only brought enough money/food for myself today, sorry.â Do you know what else works great? âNo.â It might be absolutely awkward and uncomfortable the first few times you have to refuse but stick with it: boundaries are important, and eventually, if theyâre worth keeping around, your friend/relative/partner will respect you enough to understand that when you say âNoâ, you mean it.
Saying "No" Doesn't Make You a Villain
Itâs shocking, but saying âno,â is actually harming no one in the world. You wonât automatically turn into an infernal, fire-breathing dragon or a warty old hag with a bushel of poisoned apples if you say ânoâ. Youâre just a person whoâs letting someone else know that, like it or not, you have limits, and you wonât be pushed past them for someone elseâs comfort. Sure, there will be some people who throw tantrums or make nasty comments when you finally decide to straighten your spine, but honestly, donât let their poor behaviour back you into the same old corner.
Honestly, itâs kind of funny watching someone go into a tailspin because they canât push you around anymore. What can they say thatâs at all justifiable? âI canât believe you wonât drive me around anymore! I never offer some other form of repayment for your kindness, but how dare you be so selfish?â Remember: youâre not refusing to help someone because your petty or vindictive; youâre refusing to be taken advantage of because you respect yourself.